Having Courage To Speak Out Was Scary… But Necessary

After finishing my first  published blog today I went poking around to see how things worked.  I saw where I could immediately connect to Face Book and I tried and got there fine.  Then I saw Face Book  down below.  I clicked it and it let me know that the link  there would lead me to my Face Book page to share.  I yelled “Yikes no”.  Then I thought a minute.  Self talk is my friend lots of the time.  I thought, if I truly want mental illness out there and talked about, why don’t I want my friends and family to be included?  Most of my family is aware, but we never speak about it.  I consider myself the elephant in the room.  I talk to my massage therapist about it, who I have grown to know and love, and see regularly.  I had  female cousins visit from CO and TX this summer and I told them.  I have shared with a male cousin who may have someone he knows that is affected with the disorder.

When I posted a piece on my Face Book page about depression soon after Robin Williams died, a childhood friend made a comment or a” like” on my page. I don’t know why but I sent her a private message saying that  I was Bipolar.  She responded with a comment that her teen-aged grandson had tried to commit suicide a few weeks earlier.  I thought to myself at the time,  These issues need to be talked about through education and support groups and what ever.  Shortly after I was encouraged to start this blog.

Mentally ill people get over looked often because they are embarrassed  and ashamed like I was.  We  become Academy Award caliber actors hiding our pain.  We go underground and isolate ourselves when we are depressed.  So I put my big girl pants on and clicked to share my blog with the world including some of my friends and family who I knew did not know I was  Bipolar.  Obviously I had some hidden or not so hidden shame and embarrassment attached to my disorder. Would I have felt the same if I had cancer or another problem? NO. Well isn’t that a pile of insight?  Right now I am feeling pretty proud of myself. Because I want people like me to not be afraid, and if I can come out of the “Bipolar closet” then so can a lot of others with a little encouragement.  And if my coming out upsets anyone in my life they can either suck it up and get over it or just ignore my blogs because I am just getting started.

I am normal, just without a filter.  And sometimes that might just be a good thing.