After finishing my first published blog today I went poking around to see how things worked. I saw where I could immediately connect to Face Book and I tried and got there fine. Then I saw Face Book down below. I clicked it and it let me know that the link there would lead me to my Face Book page to share. I yelled “Yikes no”. Then I thought a minute. Self talk is my friend lots of the time. I thought, if I truly want mental illness out there and talked about, why don’t I want my friends and family to be included? Most of my family is aware, but we never speak about it. I consider myself the elephant in the room. I talk to my massage therapist about it, who I have grown to know and love, and see regularly. I had female cousins visit from CO and TX this summer and I told them. I have shared with a male cousin who may have someone he knows that is affected with the disorder.
When I posted a piece on my Face Book page about depression soon after Robin Williams died, a childhood friend made a comment or a” like” on my page. I don’t know why but I sent her a private message saying that I was Bipolar. She responded with a comment that her teen aged grandson had tried to commit suicide a few weeks earlier. I thought to myself at the time, These issues need to be talked about through education and support groups and what ever. Shortly after I was encouraged to start this blog.
Mentally ill people get over looked often because they are embarrassed and ashamed like I was. We become Academy Award caliber actors hiding our pain. We go underground and isolate ourselves when we are depressed. So I put my big girl pants on and clicked to share my blog with the world including some of my friends and family who I knew did not know I was Bipolar. Obviously I had some hidden or not so hidden shame and embarrassment attached to my disorder. Would I have felt the same if I had cancer or another problem? NO. Well isn’t that a pile of insight? Right now I am feeling pretty proud of myself. Because I want people like me to not be afraid, and if I can come out of the “Bipolar closet” then so can a lot of others with a little encouragement. And if my coming out upsets anyone in my life they can either suck it up and get over it or just ignore my blogs because I am just getting started.
I am normal, just without a filter. And sometimes that might just be a good thing.