Extremes….My Way Of Life

Compulsive and obsessive are words I am all too familiar  with.  I could well be their poster child.  I don’t believe I am ever half way between on or off for very long. My toggle button is stuck.  Half measures in my life just don’t exist.  I am either on board the boat or can’t even see the water.  I have no filter attached to my emotions.

Because I know that about myself I have found some things that help me manage my thoughts and emotions.  Writing helps me vent my feelings and frustrations and helps me blow off steam when I am agitated about something.  Recently I was in a  manic phase. Writing about what I was feeling/thinking helped me level out a bit to the point where I could sleep at night.

I have some sayings that have become my mantras. I also refer to these as self talk. One saying is “Stop stewing and start doing.”  I use this one when I am afraid to do something or fearful of an outcome of an action I might be contemplating.  I used this one a lot when I was learning how to set up this Blogging site and before I published my first Blog.  This saying is a little  more refined than one that has a similar meaning which is “S..t or get off the pot”.

Another one of my helpers is “Attitude is a habit”.  I learned this worked when years ago, after a divorce, I got my first job.  I was hurting terribly and  wanted to dump my pain on anyone who would listen to get their sympathy.  I had the good sense to know that if I did that everyone would run for the hills when they saw me coming.  So I planted a smile on my face, fake as it was, and  was very surprised when at the end of two weeks my mood had begun to match my smile.  I had contact with all departments where I worked, and I got the nickname “Sunshine”.  Big lesson had landed in my lap.

The next jewel of mine is more of a concept.  I try not to invest myself in issues I have no control over.  Politics is one place I try to use this one.  I live in a wacko state,  in my opinion.  All I can do is place my one tiny vote into the pool when election time comes and let the chips fall where they may. Since I am comfortable with my beliefs and don’t plan on changing them I avoid watching news about politics months before major elections every two years.  I do post my biases on Face Book.  There I can read, share and forget.

Another thing I  have found is that I have to avoid news, etc. about children being abused.  Those stories drive me to despair big time.  In the past when I have read  those stories I wanted to become superwoman and save the world and that was not possible.

I don’t watch scary or gory movies/ programs.  I stay away from soap operas as they are always about turmoil.   I try to engage in programs and reading material that are inspirational and uplifting.  I try to put a positive spin on everything.  If  I encounter a problem I try to see the lesson in the experience.

I once had a doctor explain my condition to me that made lots of sense.  He said that there were lots of  clunker cars that get people from one place to another.  Then there were highly sophisticated race cars.  The clunkers could get by on regular fuel and an occasional skipped oil change and run just fine.  A race car required specialized care.  If it was not serviced properly  or not   finely tuned it would not perform well.  My chemistry  and wiring is an example of a race car.

I just except that being compulsive and obsessive is part of  my being Bipolar.  My wiring and chemistry are part of that mystery.  I hope I put these behaviors  of my disorder to good use.  I think I have in the past and will in the future.

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About ahuelon

Marty: Retired from sales and management near Seattle, Washington.
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Mental Illness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Extremes….My Way Of Life

  1. atridim says:

    Wonderful writing. I especially liked the part about the race car.
    Judging from your stats…number of followers and hits for your first week of blogging, I must say you are off and running with a roar.
    Your blogmeister,
    Captain Rick

    Like

  2. ahuelon says:

    Having been living under a rock for years about my being Bipolar I am experiencing lots of manic stuff. Remembering and reliving some of it is painful but I am going to continue, because I know the negative side will subside sooner or later when the frightened side that is affecting me figures out that my openness is here to stay. I will be blogging about my episodes caused by my coming out of the closet of shame and fear. Thanks for being there for the technical stuff. I will patiently wait for aid when I need it..You have a very big plate full. I have a friend or two who are stepping up to the plate for me. Have nice comments from people following me as well. Encouragement goes a long way in stamping out the feeling of isolation and loneliness.

    Liked by 1 person

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